Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Moving back south

It has become apparent to me that no matter what I choose to do now, I loose.

But I think less other people will loose if I move back down south. I have less attachments there... No friends remain in Hampshire... whereas I still have a couple here in Blackpool...and I threaten to ruin them the longer I stay here.

I really really hate being me.

So I'll leave for the sake of saving Chris from more heartbreak... well, I'll be saving him from the slower, more painful kind anyway.

God I feel so lonely.

Kay x

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

In the End...

The reason I carry on like everyone is in the wrong is because they are.

That doesn't put me in the right.

That just means that had ANY of you done what I did, for the reasons I did it, I would still be by your side helping you through.

Especially you Zowie. There was nothing that could have made me abandon you.

No, not even mental illness that you have no control over.

I can understand why you can't be with me. I know I hurt you, and I am truely sorry. If I could take it back and get the help I need 2 years earlier, to save you all the grief and heartache, I would.
But Hindsight is 20/20.

I don't know I'm doing it Zowie. I'm not evil, or malicious. I'm not this spiteful bitch you seem to think I am. I don't prey on the weak.
I am Sick. Ill. I have a mental illness. More than one I'll wager.

Again, I am sorry for what I did to you. I hope one day you'll understand. Then perhaps we can forgive each other.

Oh, and I will always love you.

Kay xxx