Thursday, 2 July 2009


For someone. He'll be here soon. But I thought I'd update whilst I'm waiting.

Suffice to say I have little exciting to say. I have a new job (yay, go me!) which I start next friday. Looking forward to it. I'm bored of the house.

It's been unbearably hot here the last 4 days, as such I have been hiding indoors, enjoying the industrial fan my step dad bought. It's like an aeroplane propeller. Really. Seems a shame to waste the sunshine when my Tan is nowhere near as developed as I want, but I honestly can't lie out there for more than 5 minutes without ending up drenched in sweat and uncomfortable, and that does not sound much like fun to me.

I'm a little worried about two of my online writing buddies. They both have negative log entries, referring to close friends. I worry that they are referring to each other, ehich would mean that their friendship has come to an end. That would be very sad. Very very sad indeed.

Even if they are not writing about each other, they are still obviously having a hard time with something or other. So, if you guys are reading this (you'll know who you are) big hugs for you both.

He's not here yet, but I'm out of things to say.

Kay xxx

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Moving back south

It has become apparent to me that no matter what I choose to do now, I loose.

But I think less other people will loose if I move back down south. I have less attachments there... No friends remain in Hampshire... whereas I still have a couple here in Blackpool...and I threaten to ruin them the longer I stay here.

I really really hate being me.

So I'll leave for the sake of saving Chris from more heartbreak... well, I'll be saving him from the slower, more painful kind anyway.

God I feel so lonely.

Kay x

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

In the End...

The reason I carry on like everyone is in the wrong is because they are.

That doesn't put me in the right.

That just means that had ANY of you done what I did, for the reasons I did it, I would still be by your side helping you through.

Especially you Zowie. There was nothing that could have made me abandon you.

No, not even mental illness that you have no control over.

I can understand why you can't be with me. I know I hurt you, and I am truely sorry. If I could take it back and get the help I need 2 years earlier, to save you all the grief and heartache, I would.
But Hindsight is 20/20.

I don't know I'm doing it Zowie. I'm not evil, or malicious. I'm not this spiteful bitch you seem to think I am. I don't prey on the weak.
I am Sick. Ill. I have a mental illness. More than one I'll wager.

Again, I am sorry for what I did to you. I hope one day you'll understand. Then perhaps we can forgive each other.

Oh, and I will always love you.

Kay xxx

Wednesday, 8 April 2009


If I get a day off work sometime soon, I'll do some editing and get some more fiction up.

I'm busy.

Miss you all loads.

Oh! And I'm 21 now! :-D Officially now an adult, as of the 28th March :D

My birthday wasn't all so good, I had pneumonia, so wasn't feeling all that up to celebrating. Had a few little parties with different groups of friends since though, and it's been good. My Pixie and Becky looked after me on the actual day, and despite the illness, I did enjoy spending the day with them both. Even if me and Zowie did sleep in till 3.30 pm ;-)

Anyway, I have to get off to work now, Got a pub to clean and completely stock up. And an awful lot of P.O.S to put up.


Kay xxx

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

New fiction

In my fiction blog.

I want to update and catch up with you all. I may well get the chance to very shortly.

There is alot going on, as always. I will be a happy bunny when my life is finally settled.

Till then, rest in the knowledge I am still alive ;-)

More fiction to come shortly.

Kay xxx

Sunday, 8 March 2009

Keeping this blog

Because there are things I wrote in here I don't want to have to get rid of, and I want to start with this new story from scratch.

I dunno where it's going. A brief, fleeting idea fluttered through my head last night, and since then I've been trying to hold on to it until I could write it down.

New Fiction Blog -

We'll see if it takes any type of shape.


Kay xxx

Monday, 2 March 2009

Pictures on my wall

Last night, as I lay there, with your head on my shoulder, I looked up at those pictures we took last February. The ones where we went in the river, despite it being 3 below, and we looked so happy.

I wonder what the Me of 12 months past would think if she could see us now?

It made me smile, because remembering how we used to be, and seeing us now, there is no doubt in my mind that it was all worth it.

When you kissed me goodbye this morning as you left for work, and told me you loved me, it made me smile more, because I realised the past me would be proud of how far we've come. It's been a hard 12 months baby, but I'm so glad I get the chance to spend the next 12 with you at my side.

I love you.

Kay xxx